I Hate Myself - Citizen Soldier

I don't see you like I should You look so misunderstood And I wish I could help But it's hard when I hate myself Pray to God with my arms open If this is it, then I feel hopeless And I wish I could help But it's hard when I hate myself Yeah, late nights are the worst for me They bring out the worst in me Mind runnin', got me feelin' like it hurts to think If this is all that I wanted, I don't want it, gotta be more for me All the core beliefs And every mornin' I wake up and feel like I am not worth it 'Cause I'm at war with peace I go to Hell, walk up to the corpse of me Look at the body like, "You ain't nothin' but poor and weak" It's kinda weird Lately I been feelin' like the only way for me to get away is if I pour the drink That's more deceit, more defeat Is this really what I'm born to be? That's what you get for thinkin' you're unique So poor, but I'm so wealthy Need help, but you can't help me What else can the world sell me? Tell me lies, I still buy 'em like they're goin' outta stock But it's not healthy I don't see you like I should You look so misunderstood And I wish I could help But it's hard when I hate myself Pray to God with my arms open If this is it, then I feel hopeless And I wish I could help But it's hard when I hate myself Yeah, late nights get the best of me They know how to get to me Suicide thoughts come and go like a guest to me But I don't wanna die, I just wanna get relief So don't talk to me like you think I'm so successful What is success when hope has left you? I am not a spokesman, I'm a broken record Sick of doin' interviews 'cause I hate myself, agh! Come across like it's so easy But I feel like you don't need me When I feel like you don't need me Then I feel like you don't see me And my life has no meaning, drain me Hands out, tryna ask for love But when I get it, I just pass it up Throw it away and think about it later Diggin' through the trash for drugs Wish I could give you what you needed, but I can't I'm scared because I don't see you like I should You look so misunderstood And I wish I could help But it's hard when I hate myself Pray to God with my arms open If this is it, then I feel hopeless And I wish I could help But it's hard when I hate myself I walk through the ashes of my passions Reminiscin' with the baggage in my casket Get lost in the questions I can't answer Can't stand who I am, but it don't matter We scream to be free, but I stay captured Knee-deep in defeat of my own actions Feel weak, but the peace that I keep lacking Keeps speakin' to me, but I can't have it But I can't have it Keeps speakin' to me, but I can't have it But I can't have it Keeps speakin' to me, but I can't have it I don't see you like I should You look so misunderstood And I wish I could help But it's hard when I hate myself Pray to God with my arms open If this is it, then I feel hopeless And I wish I could help But it's hard when I hate myself Hate myself But it's hard when I hate myself Hate myself But it's hard when I hate myself When I hate myself It's kinda hard when I hate myself I hate myself It's hard when I hate myself

I know I'm far away Far from what I used to be No one can get in my way It's my time to shine baby Always been caring about the rest But no one ever cared for me Always been looking for someone else Until I found myself Until I found myself Until I found myself I know I'm far away Far from what I used to be Don't wanna be who I was I'm stronger babe And I don't really care About what people think I just need myself It's time to be My priority Always been caring about the rest But no one ever cared for me Always been looking for someone else Until I found myself Until I found myself Until I found myself

I've been feeling lightheaded Since I lost enough weight to fit back in my skin Flower petals and feathers tether me to the ground (pound for pound) Take my tea with formaldehyde For my feminine side since the day that I died While I whittle my bones until I'm brittle, am I pretty now? For some reason I find myself lost in what you think of me And too confused to choose who I should be And now you've got me thinking I wish I could be a girl and that way you'd wish I could be your girlfriend, boyfriend Am I pretty enough to lie to? Oh-woah-oh I wish I could be a girl and that way you'd wish I could be your girlfriend, boyfriend Just a little old me in a big, big world (oh-woah-oh) Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-ooh, little old me in a big world Oh-oh-oh-oh-ooh, I wish I were a girl I've been feeling lighthearted Since I gained enough weight back to c-c-c-c-cover my bones I get dressed up in shadows one leg at a time (we're so alike) But if the shoe fits, then I won't try it on You'll be walking out early, but the show must go on No, I know that I'm wrong But I love how you're on my side when I cross that line It's been a point of contention between myself And this body that they stuck me in The privilege of being born to be a man And now you got me thinking I wish I could be a girl and that way you'd wish I could be your girlfriend, boyfriend Am I pretty enough to lie to? Oh-woah-oh I wish I could be a girl and that way you'd wish I could be your girlfriend, boyfriend Just a little old me in a big, big world (oh-woah-oh) Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-ooh, little old me in a big world Oh-oh-oh-oh-ooh, I wish Eating your prosthetic, meet your anesthetic Criteria, pathetic seeing you become acetic Say my name like a slur, but I've been called worse I've heard it all before, no this isn't a first Let me be the void you fill with Taxidermy fingerprints, taxonomize our differences I am quantum physics, my witness brings me to existence I wish I could be a girl, and that way you'd wish I could be your girlfriend, boyfriend Am I pretty enough to love back? No, not yet I wish I could be a girl, and really I'd prefer it if you would use I, me, myself Am I pretty enough? Am I pretty enough to fucking die? Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-aah, little old me in a big world Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-aah, well I would give you my whole world Little old me in a big world Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-aah, I wish (All identities are equally invalid) (Don't you think that there's a chance that you could live without it?) (All identities are equally invalid) (Don't you think that there's a chance that you could live without it?) (All identities are equally invalid) (Don't you think that there's a chance that you could live without it?) (All identities are equally invalid) (Don't you think that there's a chance that you-)

(Ooh, it's Wavy808) All this time is passing by But I still can't seem to tell you why It hurts me every time I see you Realize how much I need you I hate you, I love you I hate that I love you Don't want to, but I can't put Nobody else above you I hate the fact I had your back when nobody did (I did) I hate the fact I told you how I feel, and you ain't listen (no cap) Right now I'm on the road You think I'm fucking with these bitches? (Fuck) I love the fact you a boss bitch and independent (no cap) I always kept you my side since an adolescent I got shot, you wasn't there, I thought you was my blessin' I even went to jail for you, 30 shot Smith & Wesson Hollow tip my favorite kind, you was my essential (my essential) Juvenile, runnin' wild, we kept gettin' caught together You asked why, girl, I told you, "We locked in forever" (forever) And when we slide on the opps, it make your pussy wetter (wetter) The last nigga wasn't killin' shit, you said I do it better (better) You jammed on the last drill, you had me mad as fuck (mad as fuck) So when we get back to this house, I'ma beat that pussy up (pussy up) I broke you down part to part, I had to clean you up (clean you up) You my lil' soldier, so bipolar, why you mean as fuck? I even went to jail for you, would go to hell for you (hell for you) Right now I'm trafficking, you know I kept the sale with you You two-faced this, so I could never tell on you (tell on you) You always headshot niggas, it never failed with you (failed with you) Was on the block all night, you never left a nigga (left a nigga) Every shootout you was there, never failed a nigga And they mad, every stolen car I'm ridin' with her And out here shooting fo' them, that's why I'm sliding with ya When I was broke, you stuck with me even in the drought You don't care, anywhere, you will shoot it out (shoot it out) Remember when we separated, took a different route (different route) And I was mad as fuck, the police took you from my house (from my house) Then I got another bitch, a lil' Gunna bitch (Gunna bitch) Glock 23, jet 5 with a switch (switch) I put 30 shots on her, you know she love my dick When I up it, gotta buss it, got me nuttin' quick (quick) We in the bed, spread yo' legs, let me give you head I can't get caught with you 'cause I'm going fed (fast) But I gotta stay with you 'cause niggas want me dead (dead) We was robbin' shit together, kept the family fed You so good swear I love yo' ass like a brother (like a brother) My own momma even said we was for each other (for each other) Then you fuck around and get jealous when I bought that cutter (bought that choppa) You said you could never see me in love with another (I love my gun) All this time is passing by (no cap) But I still can't seem to tell you why It hurts me every time I see you Realize how much I need you I hate you, I love you I hate that I love you Don't want to, but I can't put Nobody else above you

It's Just Me Myself and I, I just don't know why This pain run deep inside, heart cold just like frost bite Heart so cold it's frozen over, thought you was my four leaf clover Now that shit went out the window, looks like I am starting over I been taking hella drugs my brain I feel it's gettin slower I been tryna shoot my shot I thought I was like Kyle korver Always said you'll never change you lied to the kid And I don't think you see all the damage That you did You act just like you don't care about me said you single and said it proudly Now I'm all alone at night the lights off and im crying loudly Said you couldn't live without me Girl what the hell And now I can't even listen to all the stories you tell Now my heartbroken like I'm dancing in the rain Never thought it would be you that would bring me all of this pain Heart so cold just like a freezer, forgave her but don't believe her If she did it once she'll do it again so I had to leave her Now see what you done to me, I can't trust a soul You can see I'm breaking down and I can't even gain control It's like I'm standing on a building and im Falling to my grave And you don't even see the fucking monster that you made Like I'm driving round the city I got this Henny in my hand I be wanting to talk to people But don't think that they'll understand You said fuck me girl But honestly did you love me girl Fixed me up and you broke me girl Just want to know was it worth it girl It's Just Me Myself and I, I just don't know why This pain run deep inside, heart cold just like frost bite

It's the time of the night When they turn on the lights And lovers go out Like we used to do. And here I am again, I find myself alone. It's no one's fault I know, Nobody's but my own. I won't listen to the part of me, The part of me that holds me And won't let go. I keep telling myself It was not meant to be. I keep telling myself, But my heart disagrees. No matter how many times That I keep telling myself: I know... I know There's nobody else. And at the end of the night, When they turn off the lights And lovers go out Like we used to do, I walk the empty streets. I don't know where to go! Without you being there, The house is not a home. But I'll keep walking until I can't hear The part of me that says that... That says I'm wrong. I keep telling myself It was not meant to be. I keep telling myself, But my heart disagrees. No matter how many times That I keep telling myself: I know... I know There's nobody else. I won't listen to the part of me, The part of me that won't let go. I keep telling myself It was not meant to be. I keep telling myself, But my heart disagrees. No matter how many times That I keep telling myself: I know... I know... I know... I keep telling myself It was not meant to be. I keep telling myself, But my heart disagrees. No matter how many times That I keep telling myself: I know... I know... I know... I keep telling myself It was not meant to be. I keep telling myself, But my heart disagrees. No matter how many times That I keep telling myself: I know... I know There's nobody else.

متكتف مهموم موجوع وضعيف وشجاع مليان أحلام وعشان مربوط مكسور وبكسر في المآديف وتفوت أيام وتمر سنين وانا حالي غريب انا مين انا مين مشدود في الساقية وعايش مبسوط وحزين ومحبط وجرئ ورزين مشدود في الساقية وعايش مبسوط وحزين ومحبط وجرئ ورزين على غفلة اتحول بركان جبار انا ضلمة وليل أنا نار ونهار متكتف مهموم موجوع وضعيف وشجاع مليان أحلام وعشان مربوط مكسور وبكسر في المآديف ماشي على طريق مكتوب مرسوم بس انا مسؤول وعليا اللوم ماقدرش أقول من الذنب برئ لا انا ابليس ولا هبقى رسول ماقدرش أقول من الذنب برئ لا انا ابليس ولا هبقى رسول قدامي طريق همشيه همشيه نفهم في الآخر كل ده لية متكتف مهموم موجوع وضعيف وشجاع مليان أحلام وعشان مربوط مكسور وبكسر في المآديف

فوسط زحمة وناس كتير وطريق أنا ماشي فيه عكس السير وسط الطموح والأمل والتمني فاضلي خطوة توصلني فوسط حاجات ومكيفات بحاول أنسى كل اللي فات في وسط صدري ضلعي مكسور ومن خلاله قلبي شايف نور أنا كنت فاكر اني طاير وأتاريني على وشي بقع أنا كنت فاكر إني هوصل لكني بهرب من الوجع أنا كنت فاكر اني طاير وأتاريني على وشي بقع أنا كنت فاكر إني هوصل لكني بهرب من الوجع فوسط الليل وأنا بعيد عن البشر شفت نور يشبه نور القمر بس القمر مسيره يفارق ويسيبني تاني مع الوحدة أحارب فوسط قصة حب يعني وهمية كان لازم أصدق اصل الوحدة قوية مش كل المشاعر حقيقية أنا شفت نور معرفتش اغمض عنيا أنا كنت فاكر اني طاير وأتاريني على وشي بقع أنا كنت فاكر إني هوصل لكني بهرب من الوجع أنا كنت فاكر اني طاير وأتاريني على وشي بقع أنا كنت فاكر إني هوصل لكني بهرب من الوجع

حِلِف الْقَمَرْ يَمِينْ وقَالّي يَا حِلْوِ ساعِةْ ما شافِكْ حِلِف الْقَمَرْ يَا قَمَرْ، يَا قَمَرْ يَمِينْ وقَالّي يَا حِلْوِ ساعِةْ ما شافِكْ فِي الْحُسْنِ لا بَعْدِكْ ولا قَبْلِكْ يا رُوحِي يا رُوحِي كِمْلِتْ أوْصافِكْ، يَا، يَا رُوحِي حِلِف الْقَمَرْ يَمِينْ وقَالّي يَا حِلْوِ ساعِةْ ما شافِكْ حِلِف الْقَمَرْ يَا، يا قَمَرْ يَمِينْ وقَالّي يَا حِلْوِ ساعِةْ ما شافِكْ فِي الْحُسْنِ لا بَعْدِكْ ولا قَبْلِكْ يا رُوحِي يا رُوحِي كِمْلِتْ أوْصافِكْ، يَا، يَا رُوحِي حِلِفِ الْقَمَرْ لُونِ الْوُرُودْ لُونِ الزّهِرْ فُوقِ الْخُدُودْ زَاد الْحَلا جَدايِلْ سُودْ جَدايِلْ سُودْ حِلِي الْكَرَزْ فَوْقْ شْفافِكْ آه يَا قَمَرْ حِلِفِ الْقَمَرْ لُونِ الْوُرُودْ لُونِ الزّهِرْ فُوقِ الْخُدُودْ زَاد الْحَلا جَدايِلْ سُودْ جَدايِلْ سُودْ حِلِي الْكَرَزْ فَوْقْ شْفافِكْ آه يَا قَمَرْ فِي الْحُسْنِ لا بَعْدِكْ ولا قَبْلِكْ يا رُوحِي يا رُوحِي كِمْلِتْ أوْصافِكْ، يَا يَا رُوحِي طَلّ الْهَوَى بْأحْلَى عُيُونْ عُيُونْ قَالِّي الدّوا بِينِ الْجُفُونْ طَلّ الْهَوَى بْأحْلَى عُيُونْ، عُيُونْ، عُيُونْ قَالِّي الدّوا بِينِ الْجُفُونْ السّحْرِ هامْ بِألْفِ لُونْ والشّعْرِ غافِي عاكْتافِكْ عِينِي، عِينِي، عِينِي عَالهَوى السّحْرِ هامْ بِألْفِ لُونْ والشّعْرِ غافِي عاكْتافِكْ عِينِي، عِينِي، عِينِي عَالهَوى طَلّ الْهَوَى بْأحْلَى عُيُونْ عُيُونْ قَالِّي الدّواء بِينِ الْجُفُونْ طَلّ الْهَوَى بْأحْلَى عُيُونْ، عُيُونْ، عُيُونْ قَالِّي الدّواء بِينِ الْجُفُونْ السّحْرِ هامْ بِألْفِ لُونْ والشّعْرِ غافِي عاكْتافِكْ عِينِي، عِينِي، عِينِي عَالهَوى فِي الْحُسْنِ لا بَعْدِكْ ولا قَبْلِكْ يا رُوحِي يا رُوحِي كِمْلِتْ أوْصافِكْ، يَا، يَا رُوحِي حِلِف الْقَمَرْ يَمِينْ وقَالّي يَا حِلْوِ ساعِةْ ما شافِكْ حِلِف الْقَمَرْ يَا قَمَرْ، يَا قَمَرْ يَمِينْ وقَالّي يَا حِلْوِ ساعِةْ ما شافِكْ فِي الْحُسْنِ لا بَعْدِكْ ولا قَبْلِكْ يا رُوحِي يا رُوحِي كِمْلِتْ أوْصافِكْ يا، يَا رُوحِي